You’re excited at the thought of introducing some sex toys to the bedroom. But how do you know your partner feels the same way? Here’s the Buzz guide to introducing sex toys to your relationship.
1. Dip your toe in the water
Yes, you could simply surprise you partner with a butt plug or g-spot vibrator. They might love it. Then again, their reaction may not be quite what you were hoping for.
So before you go full steam ahead, look for opportunities to test the water. Use an ad on tv, a product in a shop, or a conversation you overheard as an opportunity to raise the topic. Whether you mention it in passing and gauge the reaction or choose a more in-depth conversation, it’ll give you a chance to understand where they’re ‘at’.
2. Be reassuring
In your head, experimenting with sex toys is all positive. It’s about fun, discovery and taking your sex life to new, exciting heights. It’s possible your partner feels exactly the same way. Then again, there might be the nagging voice in their head asking ‘am I not good enough?’ or ‘am I doing something wrong?’
It’s important to reassure your partner that this isn’t about replacing something that’s missing. It’s about making something that’s already brilliant, better still.
Think of it as a big ice cream sundae. It’s already fantastic. You’re just finding new sprinkles, sauces and cherries on top to make it even more amazing.
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3. Start small, start simple
If this is your or your partner’s first dabble with sex toys, start simple. That’s especially the case if your partner has taken a little persuasion. You don’t want to ruin their goodwill by leaping straight to the biggest dildo you can find.
So go easy. Keep it small so you minimise the risk (and the shock!). Keep it uncomplicated so you ‘sell’ the sex toy experience to your partner as being a fun, simple addition to your sex life. That means choosing something low tech for starters, like a simple finger vibrator rather than something a little more high tech, or which takes time to strap on.
4. Choose together
A great way to ensure you’re both engaged with using sex toys right from the outset is to both be involved in the decision about which one(s) to buy.
There’s plenty of fun to be had just exploring your sex toy options, watching videos and learning how to use your toys, whether it’s the simplest dildo or a complete bondage kit, so grab a glass of wine and explore all our sex toys here.
5. Practice makes perfect
Remember the first time you had sex (or the first time you did anything, for that matter)? It probably wasn’t quite the incredible experience you were expecting. But once you’d learned the ropes and relaxed into it, you’ll have started to enjoy it.
It’s the same with sex toys. It takes a little time to feel comfortable with them, so don’t put pressure on yourselves to have your mind blown by your first experience. Most people find their first experience is good. But we promise the more relaxed you are with your sex toy, and the more feedback you’re able to give your partner, the better it gets.
6. Don’t do surprises
As with anything sexual, everything you do should be consensual and respectful. No matter how comfortable you are with your partner, don’t be tempted to surprise them by introducing a toy mid-sex.
If you’re going to use a sex toy, always agree it in advance.
7. Listen to your partner
At every stage of introducing sex toys to your relationship, it’s important to listen to what your partner is telling you – and by that we mean non-verbally, as well as verbally.
It’s important to reach agreement to use sex toys in the first place, and it’s important to ensure that when your partner says ‘yes’ you know that a) they really mean it and b) they feel able to say ‘no’. It’s important to listen to their feedback during sex, and to understand what their body is telling you, so you can make the experience even better.
And it’s important to understand when not to use sex toys. If your partner doesn’t feel like using the vibrator today – or ever – that’s ok. You set your sexual rules together, and it’s vital that both of you feel not just ok but positively enthusiastic about what you get up to together.
